I just called to say ...

ONE of the major down sides to living in this part of the world is the fact that so many people you come to care about have to leave.

Friends you’ve spent so much time laughing, joking, partying and crying with have to pick up sticks and leave for shores unknown and relationships you’re not ready to walk away from have to end before their time.

It’s easy enough to promise to keep in touch but more often than not, that only lasts for a short time and as your life moves on you find yourself getting further and further apart from the people you were sure were going to be in your life forever.

Long distance relationships have got to be one of the hardest things to keep going but being in love isn’t the kind of thing that just stops because one of you has to get on a plane and move halfway across the world. And if, for whatever reason, you think that being together – but apart for a while – is better than having to say goodbye completely, it’s worth putting the effort in to see if you can make it work.

One of the most important things you need     to do is to sit down and talk over the details before whichever one of you leaves.

There’s no point in just winging it and hoping it will all work out, because it won’t.

You need to know that you’re doing it for a reason and that you are both completely committed to making it work and making sure that the separation will eventually come to an end – however long it takes.

You have to have some kind of idea as to when and where you’re going to come together again and what it is you want for your future together.

Being apart is going to be really hard and if you don’t have an end point to aim for and look forward to – you’ll find it even harder to remember why you’re putting yourself through it all in the first place.

The only reason to subject yourself to the trials of a long distance relationship in the first place is if you’ve decided you want to ultimately be together.

Discussing how you’re going to get to that point will help you prove to each other that you’re both totally committed to making it happen and if one of you is unable to have that conversation, it means that you can’t imagine how it will work and it’s a failed proposition from the start.

For it to work you have to be able to see it in your mind’s eye – anything else is just prolonging the inevitability of heartache and break-up.

Then comes the time when you’re actually apart. Whether you’re together or separated by an ocean or two, relationships all need the same things; communication, patience, understanding and sacrifice – tricky at the best of times but a down right hard slog when you’re so far away from each other.

Communication is the key to all of them. By keeping in touch as much as possible and knowing as much about what’s going on in each other’s lives, you can help minimise that sense of loss of not being with each other and keep at bay the pangs of jealousy that are bound to rear their ugly little heads.

Try to find a way to get in touch in some way every day – more than once, if you can.

Try to at least send a text, write an email or make a phone call. Keeping an emotional connection alive is the only way you can avoid that feeling of abandonment.

Make sure you have in-depth conversations on a regular basis. Tell each other what’s going on in your daily lives – the good and the bad – and if something happens (however small) that you would normally want to share with your partner, text them a quick message about it.

There’s no doubt that phone calls can get very expensive over time but with modern technology as advanced as it is today keeping in touch is more and more affordable.

Skype is a great example; with an internet connection, it’s free to download and free to use computer to computer. And if you invest in a web-cam and you can see each other while you’re talking.

Vary the way you connect with each other and send each other surprise e-cards or a little message when you know the other person is least expecting it.

Romance shouldn’t be put aside just because you’re not next to each other and little surprises help to keep that mushy feeling in your stomach alive.

Another way to help you feel closer to each other is to take up the same interests, even if you have to do them separately. If there’s a hobby you both enjoy, take it up – it will give you more to talk about and do when you eventually get back together again. Alternatively, if there’s a film you both want to watch, go and see it separately and talk about it later and do the same with a book you both want to read.

Synchronise and set your watch/mobile alarm to the same time as each other – when it goes off you’ll both know the other is thinking about you at the exact same time.

These all seem like really corny things to do but when you’re far away from each other, every little bit of shared time helps.

While there are plenty of things you should do to make the separation easier, there are also things you need to avoid at all costs.

Whatever happens, don’t be controlling and jealous. For any partnership to work, you need to have complete trust in each other to always make the right decisions for your relationship.

Jealousy is an ugly thing and it gets worse with distance but you have to keep in mind that as long as you both share the common interest of keeping your relationship alive, you will stick with it and remain faithful to each other.

While it’s important to keep as connected with each other as possible, don’t ignore the benefits to being apart.

You’ll have more time to spend with your friends and catch up with things and hobbies that your partner isn’t as keen on. You won’t need to have silly arguments about the cap being left off the toothpaste and you’ll have time to think before you respond to a text or email that seemed out of line. And, most importantly of all, you will be able to retain your individuality, something that often falls by the wayside when couples spend all their free time together.

Any relationship is hard work and at long distance it’s going to be harder still but if you both really want it to work, it will.

Don’t expect perfection because that’s a definite no-no. Bear in mind arguments will happen and you’ll be more frustrated than usual because they’ll be trickier to resolves when you’re apart but don’t let them get the better of you.

Being apart will never be a walk-in-the-park but as time goes on it will get easier to deal with.

Long distance relationships are not for the faint-hearted and if you have any doubts that you can keep it up then don’t even try.

It’s going to take dedication and complete faith that the two of you are meant to be together and anything less just isn’t enough.

But, if you’re sure that being apart for a while is better than spending the rest of your lives without each other, know in yourself that it really can be done.

Keep an ‘end date’ in mind and work towards it … seeing each other as often as you can manage in between.