Flip through the latest issue of Gulf Weekly.
A letter came in a while back asking me to write about relationship issues again and more precisely: "I would like you to write and offer advise to couples where BOTH husband and wife are hot-headed, where ego becomes an issue, where compromises are made by women only (if that's fair), where women are too clingy to their men (which irritates them), where everything a wife says seems like a NAG and where a small spark can create a big argument leading to several fights, where a couple digs into past fights and brings them up every time the two are angry ..."
I want to preface everything by saying I'm not a trained professional so my word shouldn't be taken as law but I'm an opinionated woman and I've always found it relatively easy to see both sides of any argument, so, hopefully, some of what I have to say might make a certain amount of sense - OK disclaimer taken care of, here is what I think (Part 1):
Learn to pick your battles. Everyone needs to think that their opinions and choices are being taken into consideration. If you let them have their way when the outcome is more important to them than you, they're more likely to give in when the opposite is true. A person that is constantly being undermined and whose feelings are never taken into consideration is likely to feel resentful and they're more likely to fight against you at every turn to try to regain control of their surroundings.
Also, if you fight over every little thing that upsets, you'll spend the vast majority of your time angry and one small issue will easily spiral into a whole mountain of things that should normally not be of any great significance.
Not only will your mood be brought down by the constant upset, but the person you're aiming all the aggression at will eventually just shut down and stop listening when you talk to them as they will think of you as a constant nag and this will also have the added affect of dulling the impact of what you have to say.
You might feel that they're the one that is constantly in the wrong but in itself that belief is a strong indication of arrogance and selfishness on your part. Selfish because you want everything to be the way you want it to be and arrogance because you believe that you're always right and they're always wrong - no one is always right!
When you have two egos fighting for control, the outcome is never going to be pretty because once your pride gets into the mix it's all too easy to lose the point of what you're arguing about in the first place, and before you know it you're fighting for the sake of winning the argument, rather than for the sake of the original issue.
On the topic of compromise, if it's the woman that is always giving in to what the man wants then it's not a compromise. And no, it's not fair for the woman to always have to give in. More to the point, if you care about a person then you will want them to be happy.
Male or female, if you truly love someone, their feelings will be uppermost in your mind.
If you think back to when you first met and fell in love you'll very probably be able to come up with a long list of the things you did just to see the smile on your partner's face.
While your own feelings naturally gain in importance as time goes by, if you love someone, you will still try to make them happy and that doesn't include imposing your own wants on them all the time.
Compromise means sometimes doing it your way and sometimes doing it their way or for the bigger issues it means finding a way whereby both of you get a certain amount of what you want out of it.
For example, if you're arguing about where to go for your holidays and one of you wants to lie around on the beach all day and the other wants to go exploring the sites, pick somewhere where both are possible and divide your time accordingly - the morning on the beach and the afternoon sightseeing or if you both really hate what the other wants to do, agree to have a few days each doing what you like while the other does their own thing.
Whatever the sex, we all like to get our own way and men are no exception.
But what men should keep in mind is that when the woman of the house is happy, the household itself is happy. In most cases the woman is the backbone of the home and when she isn't happy nothing runs smoothly.
Don't get me wrong, that's NOT to say that the woman should always get her own way but in order for her to feel appreciated and happy in the home she needs to know that her feelings are important and taken into consideration.
Any wise and happily married man knows that when a woman is happy, she will treat her man like a king, doing (almost) any and everything to make his life more comfortable.
It's the nature of a woman to nurture and take care of her loved ones but if she's constantly feeling undermined and unappreciated she's naturally going to feel resentful and the atmosphere in the home will very definitely hold a severe chill.
This is where compromise comes into the equation and for a happy life all round, it is the only answer. That's what I have to say for this week but I'll pick up where I left off in Part 2 next week. For now though, that should be plenty to think about.
