Why does my boss hate me so much?

I was talking to a friend over the weekend who was telling me that one of the bosses at work really had it in for him - so much so that said boss would deliberately spend time trying to sabotage everything he did, to try and show him up in a bad light.

When I asked why this other guy had it in for him, he insisted that he didn't know. He said that nothing had ever happened between them, that the guy just had it in for him from the start and that some people were just like that without a reason.

I tried to explain that there had to be some reason and that even if he had no idea what it was, his boss must have taken slight to something without him knowing or even realising something was wrong, but he still insisted it was just the way some people were.

I'd like to think it was that easy to explain away but I've always been a firm believer that there has to be a reason for any kind of conflict between people - whether it's as little a reason as one person not liking the way someone-else looked at them or as big as a major bust up among friends or family.

We're all creatures of emotion and there is always an emotion behind the way a person behaves toward you.

Love, hate, jealousy or sadness, there is always a feeling that makes us behave the way we do towards others.

When you don't particularly like someone but they haven't done anything wrong per se, then you tend to simply be apathetic towards them but if you deliberately go out of your way to be nasty to them, there has to be a reason.

Being mean takes time and effort and it's not the kind of thing you do unless you're motivated by something they've said or done or made you feel.

With that said, although there's always a reason for the way a person behaves towards you, sometimes the reason can be so remote or far fetched that you'd never know you'd done something in the first place or even agree you'd done it at all.

Often slights and insults can be imagined, even when the person doing the deed has no intention of insulting you but when something that someone has said or done (however unintentional) upsets you or makes you feel bad, it's hard to rationalise to yourself that they didn't realise what they were doing/saying. It's far easer to take it to heart and believe they meant it.

But, at the end of the day, whether you know you've upset someone or not, if someone is behaving badly towards you, the best course of action is to find out why. Then you can decide if it's something you want to deal with, or not.

Be sure before you go in all guns blazing that the person really does have a problem with you and that you're not just imagining it and then ask them what the problem is.

Be calm about it though, ask to talk to them somewhere quiet (it could get ugly and you may not want other people listening in to your conversation) and then explain what's given you a reason to think they're upset with you.

Tell them that you're not aware of any reason why they should feel that way and that you'd like to know what the problem is so that you can try and set it right.

Where you go from there depends on whether or not you can see the other person's point of view.

It could all be a simple misunderstanding and clearing the air could put a stop to it instantly, or it could be a much bigger problem that you don't want to sort out.

Either way, knowing what the problem is makes life easier for you. You can stop the incessant worrying that not knowing invariably brings with it.

And, in the best case scenario, you can make a new friend.