Sleeping with the enemy

There's been one topic in the news in recent weeks that I've wanted to bring up in this column; the phenomenon of a rapist marrying his victim in order to get away with his crime.

Now is an appropriate time because there's a movement to have the law allowing this changed here in Bahrain, but from what I've been able to gather it's a pretty regular practice in this part of the world and as a Westerner looking in, it's hard not to be shocked and appalled that such a thing could ever be entertained, let alone allowed.

But, I guess, as with all things, there are different ways to look at it and while I can't ever say I would find an argument to make it OK - enough for me to ever agree such a thing is right - I can see how, in some ways, the practice was born out of a sense of doing right by the victim.

My every instinct on the matter is to proclaim it a backward and ridiculous law I can barely believe is real. Why would the law want to turn a woman over to the one person that has done her the most harm? And, how does marrying her make what happened any less damaging?

The damage inflicted as a result of rape isn't simply about reputation - it's nothing compared to the fear and emotional after effects - and it's an insult to all women around the world to make it acceptable and forgivable just because the man responsible then agrees to marry her.

The very fact that he raped her in the first place shows that he has no respect for women in general, let alone his victim specifically, and that he should be allowed a 'get out of jail free' card is an insult to women everywhere but, with that said, not everything is as clear - cut as it should be.

A YouGov Siraj's lifestyle poll, collected from an Omnibus survey conducted last December found that the majority of women in the UAE said that they would not even report being raped to the police, with 55 per cent of them saying that they would be discouraged by the thought of their, or their family's reputation being soiled.

And, 49 per cent even admitted that they would fear being unjustly accused of immoral behaviour - such was the fate, in one extreme example, of a 13-year-old Muslim girl rape victim from Somalia stoned to death for 'adultery'.

As sad as it is that these thoughts are even out there, it's a reality in this part of the world, and if I'm honest, probably even in some cases in the Western world, where we claim to be more enlightened about these sorts of things.

To be stigmatised with being a rape victim is for many women here a guarantee that no man will ever want to marry them and as such I can just about see how the practice of a rapist marrying his victim first came about; as a way for the victim and the family to save face.

Does that make it right? For my part I'd have to argue that no, such a thing could never be made right, but I was brought up in an atmosphere that would never condone such a thing, but who am I to say how I would feel about the matter had I been brought up with the much more traditional values prevalent in this part of the world?