It's a nightmare!

I'm looking for the confetti and the marching band because this will be the ceremonial one millionth time I've had to shrug off a shockingly bad remake of a classic movie!

Nightmare on Elm Street (the original at least) is one of my favourite films, I still remember watching it for the first time and being so scared that I wasn't able to sleep.

That is the part of the reason I even gave this remake a chance ... that and my cousin Sadie said she thought it was scary.

Well, that's the last time I listen to her and it's also the last time I will ever watch a remake of ANY movie.

Based loosely on the original 1980s, this film revolves around a child molester who met his gruesome end at the hands of the parents of the children he abused. Freddy Kruger is now haunting the dreams of those children and killing them while they sleep.

It has to be said that the original film was a brilliant mix of psychological horror, dark comedy and subversive innuendo.

However, the franchise quickly descended into never-ending line of awful sequels that were more concerned with tacky jokes than terror. Unfortunately for filmgoers, this rehash of the famed series is a totally humourless and predictably, a scare-free bore.

The film has no sense of urgency, no tension, no drama in fact, the best thing about it is when it ended and I was able to have a care-free nap!

Also, it has to be said that Robert Englund (the original Freddy) has the role down to flawless perfection and the sound of his voice still terrifies me to this day.

So to replace him will Jackie Earle Hayle (a man with not one, but two girls names) is a bit of a slap in the face to fans of the character.

Not to take credit away from Hayle, he does a passable job for the younger audiences who have not seen the original and, therefore, have no means of comparison for what the character is meant to be like.

To me, it seems like the ghoulish, wise-cracking fiend has lost all of his charisma and even the aesthetics that made him so scary.

And, while I'm pointing out huge flaws in the casting, the role of Nancy (now played by Rooney Mara) is a travesty. She is so stiff and expressionless that I actually didn't even notice how attractive she was until after I left the cinema ... this film definitely could use more eye candy (Even the original has a cameo from Johnny Depp).

In all honesty, the only scary thing about this remake is that it's put to shame by a film from the 80s, the generation that patented leg-warmers, mullets and Cindi Lauper!