Education matters

Once again I read with great sadness that a teenager took her own life because she was made to feel worthless as a result of cruel comments made about her and undoubtedly to her online. This time the tragedy struck in Australia, but it has happened all around the world and, incredibly sadly, this probably won’t be the last time that it does.

But why does it happen at all? There are a multitude of answers to this question because every single child and young adult has their own unique personality but there is a common trait in all cases and that is the bullying policies of schools.

Schools have an obligation to ensure students feel safe in their environment. To do this there are strict rules on visitors coming to school, values about friendship and respect and of course classroom and whole school rules that teach children not only discipline, but also values needed for life. Schools adopt inclusion policies and Special Education Needs (SEN) policies to ensure the needs of all students are met in both curricular terms and holistic ones. Not to do so would be negligent.

When it comes to bullying policies many schools haven’t kept up with the world and see their role as only relevant within the walls of the schools, because that is where they have jurisdiction, not outside of it. 

Outside school, we hope that the lessons and values we teach in school will be enough to ensure our students behave responsibly outside; we hope but we can’t be sure and this is why outside school, bullying policies don’t work. This is because most bullying policies are inward looking not outward.

Most bullying policies encourage students to think about the feelings of others and to modify their actions accordingly. They are robust in dealing with incidents of bullying and are quick to ensure that whilst the bully, (if proven) will be punished, they will also be counselled because bullies are generally victims in some ways too. 

The standard bullying policy will use very strong words to identify their ‘zero-tolerance approach’ or how they will deal with both cause and consequence, rather like a politician trying to get elected, but these types of policies miss an important point and that is what they actually teach to children.

Children generally and incorrectly see what others say or do as the cause of how they feel. This internal ‘self-talk’ puts them at the mercy of other’s comments which ultimately chips away, making them feel continuously bad about themselves, so bad in some cases it seems, that suicide seems to be the only way out.

The solution to this is to teach children that it is them who choose to feel bad about the comments or actions of others. They have the ultimate control to decide for themselves how they should feel. 

The words or actions don’t actually have any power, they do in deciding how to respond to them. 

They can choose to feel embarrassed, angry or ashamed or they can choose to feel proud, unconcerned or indifferent. 

When a developing mind gives power and meaning to things that they initially feel threatened by, over time they can develop into irrational thoughts through feelings of powerlessness and shame, but when children learn to think differently, even just a little bit, it starts a cycle of empowerment that ultimately, if taught through school and home, immunises them from the attacks of others.