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A new ‘game of thrones’ is afoot in the Kingdom of Bahrain and bathroom critic @thetoiletadvisor.bh on Instagram is currently its sole seeker, finding and reviewing the best and worst lavatories on the island.
The critic, who requested anonymity so he can continue his expository expedition in peace, is a Bahraini student who studied Philosophy in school and spent extensive time ruminating on his deuce-enabled throne.
In an exclusive interview with GulfWeekly, he said: “Well, I spend more than two hours a day in the toilet. I always had this idea in mind as a laugh with my friends but one day it kind of clicked that this could be pretty useful because of the horrible experiences I’ve had when going to public toilets abroad and in Bahrain.
“Toilets are so underrated. It’s not only about relaxing, it is the reflection of restaurant’s quality, mall’s priorities and it’s something we all do.”
The reviewer, who has revised men’s washrooms in office towers, malls, restaurants and mosques, knew he was fulfilling an unmet need when his first terrible toilet assessment of Almoayyed Tower’s facilities attracted 63 likes. It also resulted in a comment from Moayyed Almoayyed and a response from the Almoayyed social media team within three days thanking him for his feedback and implementing many of his suggestions.
Since then, his toileting tour has taken him into the privies of more than 20 properties including Reem Centre, Dominoes and even the Ritz-Carlton, Bahrain. He has developed a five-point subjective scoring system and an ardent fan base of more than 1,700 followers in four short months.
He said: “I have the most supportive fan base which I’m incredibly surprised about. Since the formation of the account, people have given me tips on the grading which I’ve implemented and debated constructively. I added the smell grading based on a follower’s feedback.
“I changed the stall size grading with the toilet seat because the bathroom could be small but great. Some people still criticise this change in grading because of bonus points and subtraction; the way I give or remove from bonus points is judged by experience. It can be seen as unfair but I don’t do this for the sake of publicity, my intentions are clear from the start that this is about the experience which is subjective.
“I love bathrooms with more than one toilet role so they are rated higher. The floor must be dry enough to pull your pants down without having it soaked, the hose must be power sensitive and the smell of the bathroom must be tolerable. With all this, you have your perfect public bathroom.”
The critic has found the bathrooms at the Ritz-Carlton, Oak restaurant and Café Arabica met and exceeded his expectations. He noted in his perfect five-star review of the Ritz-Carlton that this was a rare evaluation, commending on the extra toilet paper, two hoses, automatic seat cleaner, automatic seat lift and great smell.
But when inflamed, he is harsh with his criticism, noting that the Dominoes Tubli bathroom was so bad, he hoped their employees were not forced to use it, giving it a 0.4/5.
He hopes to continue with this poop platform project and incrementally improve the excremental experience, saying: “I hope to one day change the standard of the toilet experience in Bahrain. I hope to introduce a female version of the toilet advisor. I hope to receive the Medal of Honour as funny as it may sound!”
In this ‘game of thrones’, this critic knows that either you doo doo in delight or you die.