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As Prince William and Kate Middleton’s breakup make headlines, another person to share the spotlight is Kate’s mother Carole Middleton whose fame as being ‘the socially disastrous mother’ has spread from one end of the globe to another.
She has been dubbed ‘crass’ and ‘middle-class’ for chewing gum at Prince William’s passing out parade at Sandhurst in the presence of the Queen, Prince Philip and the Prince of Wales and using ‘common’ words like toilet, mirror, settee, serviette and notepaper instead of lavatory, looking glass, sofa, napkin and writing paper.
Mrs Middleton’s other famous faux pas was to say ‘Pleased to meet you’ when she met the Queen. Now everyone is pleased to meet the Queen so it should have been, ‘how do you do’ like Eliza Doolittle was taught to say repeatedly in My Fair Lady. A code for socially acceptable behaviour is not only prevalent in the upwardly mobile circles of the West but proper social graces are very much a part of the Arab culture.
For someone who is coming to this part of the world for the first time it is absolutely imperative to familiarise oneself with culture and the local customs of meeting and greeting. As expectations regarding good manners differ from one person to another and may vary according to each situation, no list regarding rules of etiquette can ever be complete. As the perception of behaviours and actions vary, intercultural competence is essential. “Bahrain is really a melting pot of different nationalities and being Bahraini we hold our cultural and traditional values in highest esteem. So when we meet expatriates we expect them to be sensitive to our customs which really stems from having some knowledge of the deep rooted Arab culture,” says Mohammed Al Zain, a Bahraini who owns a family-run business in Manama.
However, a lack of knowledge can make the best-intentioned person seem rude or foolish. To avoid an embarrassing faux pas, here are some absolute don’ts and socially acceptable do’s for a smooth stay in Bahrain.
● Handshakes are the customary greeting among individuals of the same sex.
● In any greeting between men and women in the West it’s usual for the woman to extend her hand first, but some Muslim men may feel it necessary to refuse her hand, and vice versa. Some embarrassment may therefore ensue. The simplest rule is that neither side offers the hand to the opposite sex but that both converse and greet one pleasantly and normally but without any physical contact.
● At parties or other social gatherings the hosts will generally introduce the guest to those present starting from the oldest to the youngest.
● Nuts, candy, fruit, chocolates or flowers are preferable gifts to take to the host’s house. Also the gift should either be placed on the table near the entrance or handed to the host, never the hostess.
● It is considered good manners to greet everyone individually and say goodbye individually too.
● Special respect is paid to older people in many circumstances. This can include standing when an older person enters a room, always greeting elders before others and serving an older person first at a meal table.
● Among Muslims, the left hand is used for bodily hygiene and considered unclean. Thus the right hand should be used for eating. Shaking hands and passing an item with the left hand is considered an insult.
● Check the invitation to make sure if spouse is invited. Some traditional Arab families do not have mixed gatherings; in fact women of the house may never be seen by male guests.
● Women must dress appropriately and skirts and dresses should cover the knee and sleeves should cover most of the arms. Skimpy and immodest clothes can cause eviction from places like the holy sites.
● It is impolite to point the sole of the foot towards the person who is being addressed.
● It is discourteous to ask about a man’s ‘wife and daughters’.
The acceptable practice is to inquire about the ‘family and children’.
● When tea and coffee are served it is considered impolite not to accept at least one cup. To turn down hospitality is considered a rejection of the host.
By Asma Salman
asma.salman@gulfweekly.com
