The art of compromise

Picking up from where I left off last week ... I want to go into more detail about the art of compromise and how to be agreeable when you're disagreeing with your partner (though in theory it would be the same whoever it is you're disagreeing with).

I've already talked about the importance of picking your battles, but sometimes it's hard to differentiate between which are the important battles and which aren't.

If you're a particularly controlling type of person and always think your way is best it's difficult to sometimes see that in the great scheme of things it doesn't really matter if things go wrong.

Take directions for example; most men like to think that they're capable of getting wherever it is that they're wanting to get to and even if they get lost, they don't like to stop and ask for directions ... But really, so what?

What's the worst that can happen if you let him go the way he wants to go instead of insisting your way is the right way?

Worst case scenario: you're late. I get that being on time can often be important but you can still make that happen, you just need to leave the house a little earlier to allow for any eventuality.

Your man will feel in control and you will still get to where you need to go without too much stress.

When you're disagreeing about something, take a moment to sit back and try to understand where the other person is coming from.

You don't have to agree with them but if you can see their point of view it will make it easier to see what is so important to them.

Once you have done that you might realise that the point of disagreement is more important to them than your own opinion on the matter is to you.

If that turns out to be the case then you can earn yourself some major brownie points by going along with their way of thinking.

And, by being prepared to give on something that's important to them, they're more likely to do the same for you the next time you disagree.

If your partner has done something to upset you, don't go in all guns blazing, give yourself time to calm down and think it all through properly.

It could well be that they don't even know that their actions have upset you or they might have a good reason of their own for doing or saying what they did.

Either way, nothing is to be gained from losing your temper and being aggressive as it will put them on the defensive and the situation will only get worse.

Take some time to yourself and when you're in the right frame of mind sit down with the other person, ask them calmly why they did what they did and explain to them why it upset you.

Being civilised about it will show you in a more reasonable light and they are more likely to take what you say on board.

Respect is a key word in any disagreement. No matter how angry or upset you are, you don't have the right to talk down to another person.

Swearing or calling someone stupid or an idiot isn't going to get you anything but more grief.

As with shouting, it will only make the other person close themselves off to your way of thinking. Their defences will be up and they will dig their heels in on their own stance rather than open up to your view of things.

Arguing doesn't have to be a bad thing, No relationship is perfect and if you never have anything to disagree with the other person, it is going to get really boring.

The trick to disagreements is to deal with them the right way: rather than pointing a finger at the other person for what they've done, explain how it made you feel.

Try to make sure you have all the facts before you accuse someone of doing wrong and rather than fighting to win, try discussing to clear the air. If you can put all of the above into practice you might actually find that the two of you have more in common than you thought.