How would you like it?

I was talking to some friends last week and we were discussing the merits and shortfalls of a good argument. While two of our number were convinced that there's no point to arguing about things, the other two of us, naturally, felt the need to disagree.

It never ceases to amaze me how apprehensive some people are of a little disagreement. Rather than express an opposing opinion about something, some people will say anything to agree with you rather than state how they really feel about an issue.

My son Michael is his mother's boy and, like me, enjoys a good debate every now and then. We were driving down the road a couple of weeks ago, when out of the blue, he made a pretty sweeping comment about something and concluded his statement with an opinion on the matter. It just so happened that I agreed with his conclusion but since I had some issues with the thought process he used to get to his to it, I wanted to see where his thoughts had really come from and if he was entitled to have them.

I should clarify at this point that by 'entitled to have them', I don't mean is he allowed to have opinions of his own - it goes without saying that of course he is - what I meant was: had he thought everything through before forming his opinion or had he simply ruled on the matter based only on his own thoughts and opinions?

I'm a strong believer in a person's right to their opinion but in order to properly earn the right to express that opinion, you need to be able to see the other point of view. You need to understand why you don't like the other stand point before you can express your own opposing view with any sort of validity.

Opinions are like... err, noses ... everybody's got one, but if you ever want your opinion to be taken seriously you need to be able to back it up with some compelling reasoning.

With respect to my conversation with Michael, I decided to play devil's advocate and see what his thoughts were on the other side of the argument so I took up the side of the defence to see how well he'd argue his point and I have to admit I was very impressed with how well he held up his side of the argument. Yes, there were a lot of points he hadn't thought through properly before coming up with his original opinion but when it came to the crunch he was able to absorb them, roll them around in his head and still find a way to uphold his opinion.

There's nothing more intellectually stimulating than a well thought out debate. It doesn't even have to be on a deep or heavy topic, it can be as simple as debating the merits of one vacuous celebrity over those of another, just as long as the whole thing is properly thought out. A good difference in perspective over something is like dusting out the cobwebs from the attic and allowing your mind to stretch a little after the mindlessness that has become so much a part of our everyday lives.

It's become far too easy these days to never really have to form an opinion about anything much. Between magazines, books, television and newspapers there are enough thoughts, ideas and views on just about anything that it's become almost unnecessary for us, and even more so the young, to need to think things through for ourselves anymore. And when someone says something that we don't necessarily agree with, it all seems like too much work to actually get into a debate about why we don't agree.

Whether it's because we can't come up with a reasonable argument to refute the point or whether we're worried that by disagreeing, the other person might suddenly get angry with us or decide they don't like us anymore, too many people are afraid to say what they really think.

There's such a worry that a disagreement will turn into an ugly showdown that people would rather keep quiet, totally missing the simple point of the matter that everyone is entitled to their opinion and you don't have to agree with it for it to be valid. Seeing things from our own prospective is all well and good but we need to be able to see the other person's view too. How many times have we tried in vain to explain why we're upset about something and the other person just can't see our point until you utter those five little words 'how would you like it?' and it all suddenly becomes clear for them?

Having an opinion means not being afraid of being wrong, learning new things and accepting that the other person might have something valid to teach you. Am I wrong?