To thine own self be true

Dear Betsy, I am worried about my exam results coming soon. I have worked hard this year, but don't think I did well at the exams. My parents are very strict with me and expect me to do well as they are both doctors. My brother is already at a top UK university and I am expected to follow the same path.

I am so stressed now as I lied and told everyone my AS level exams had gone well, but really they were not good Betsy.

I have not told anyone, and my family are all excited about my results coming soon and keep telling everyone they expect me to follow my brother and get top grades.

The subjects don't even interest me, I took them on my father's advice and they are not intersting like they were when I did them last year as GCSE subjects. I can't sleep and keep waking up with my heart pounding and worrying about how my life is going to be when the results are out and my parents know I lied to them.

We even didn't go on holiday this year as my mum wanted me to be here in person to go to the school to collect my results. What will I do? I just want to run away and I don't want to go to university like my brother. I don't have a plan, I mean I don't know what it is I want to do but I know I don't want to go to university right now.

All my friends and classmates seem to know what they want to do with their lives and talk about it all the time, but all I really think I want is to get married, have children and be a good wife and mother.

If I tell my parents this, they are sure to be horrified and give me one of their lectures about how hard they worked to get their qualifications and make a good life for our family.

I respect that, but I just don't want to do the same thing.

The only person I can talk to is my grandmother, but she lives in India and I don't want to worry her either.

What should I do Betsy? I hope you can answer me soon as my results are due mid August.

Nailbiter.

Dear Nailbiter,

Oh, I can really feel your anxiety pouring out of your letter. I must say that I am very proud to hear you admit how you really feel and I am sure that just writing this letter has eased some of your anxiety. Writing things down, preferably in great detail, things that bother us, can have a very cathartic effect and help ease some of the stress and, in many cases, it can help you see a path forward more clearly. I always advocate 'writing therapy' to help with any problem.

Perhaps another way for you to feel better is to write a letter to your parents, like you did to me, telling them how you really feel. Explain your hopes and fears and what your wishes are for the future. Even if you decide not to give the letter to them it can help you feel better about your situation and it means that when you do eventually talk to them about it, you have already 'voiced' your views and you will find it easier to articulate them to your parents.

First of all, I am sure your parents are going to be proud of you, regardless of your results, which let's remember, may not be as bad as you fear. Even if you do not achieve top results, there are options open to you. You can always do resits, change some subjects perhaps, or look at the possibility of leaving school and continuing AS/A2 level study at a private college here in Bahrain or abroad. Investigate the new Bahrain Polytechnic opening this September.

Perhaps your parents will agree to you finishing your education at this point, once you explain to them how you really feel. You can always take up further education options at a later date.

Personally, I think there is nothing wrong in not wanting to go to university and preferring to be a good wife and mother. That is a role that is too often underappreciated and it is a crucial role for the future of our society because without devoted wives and mothers, where would we all be?

You are still very young and I often think how wrong it is that young people are made to make such important decisions that can affect their whole working life, at what can be such a challenging time of our lives.

Not everyone wants to go to university, not everyone wants to get married, but these are just two examples of what society expects of us and personally I think it is more important to follow your heart and to be happy with your decisions and what you do with your life. Happiness, in whatever form, can be so fleeting, so my advice is, that if you find it in any capacity (personal relationships, career, hobbies etc) then you should hold on to it tightly with both hands and never let go.

A far wiser writer than I, Mr William Shakespeare, once said:

"This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man"

And Nailbiter, I couldn't agree more and feel the world could be a much better place if more of us followed this advice.

Just remember that your parents will love you whatever you do in life. They only want the best for you because they love you, but sometimes parents just need some help to understand what is 'best' for their offspring. That is your job now, Nailbiter, so good luck and I hope you find true happiness whatever you decide to do in life.