Dealing with anger

Anger is as commonly experienced as any other emotions in our lives. Nowadays psychologists suggest that there is nothing like negative or positive emotions as every emotion has energy, it is up to us to give it a proper direction.

Anger is an energy which, if used properly, can motivate us to change things which are not going in the right direction.

Each emotion felt or experienced has some purpose so let’s review what general purposes anger has in our lives.
 
Anger is used to keep distance from others, to control others, to take control of situations, to win, getting even, or protect one’s right.

But is anger creating problems with your health and relationships? Just answer these few questions.

* What is the frequency of your anger episodes?
* What is the intensity, try rating between 1-10 from annoyance to rage.
* What is its duration, do you get over it as quickly as you get into it, or do you keep thinking about it and make yourself even more angry?
* How do you express it? Are you talking or is the anger talking, or do you keep silent, throw things, threaten people, call people names?

If frequency, intensity, duration and expression or suppression is on the higher side, then your own anger is surely creating trouble for you.

Our belief or perception surrounding each particular situation leads to these particular feelings within us. By changing your perception you may change your feelings towards it. If anger is a problem for you and it is interfering in your day-to-day life then it is better to work on it now, before it is too late.

Awareness is important. Become aware of your own anger, its pattern and your thoughts behind it.
 
Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths and think of a situation when you got angry the last time. Be aware of all that is around you when this intense feeling erupts.

What is happening in your body? How are you reacting to all these changes and how are you reacting to the situation? Take a few deep breaths and open your eyes and write down your thoughts.
 
This exercise will provide you with awareness about your thought patterns.

Acceptance is next. Guilt is almost always accompanied by anger and outbursts of anger which create even more confusing feelings that make it more complicated. Accept yourself and accept your anger.

And be open to change. Now that you are aware of your anger and accepted it are you ready to make changes in your life?

Change the direction of energy of anger towards the positive. Some people find using bodywork or yoga for this purpose helpful. Some psychologists also believe that once you become aware and accept the need to address the issue, things start changing on their own, so start accepting those changes on an emotional level too.

This is a life-long process, since needs, wants and desires change throughout life. We outgrow some and uncover opportunities to learn new things.

Focusing on true goals and following them through will help give strength and direction to all the energies we possess.

Dr Puja Taneja Malhotra,
Ph.D. Psychology,
Psychological Consultant, Trainer & Coach.