By the time you read this, Germany will be through to the finals (mind you I am writing this on a Sunday, so I could have egg all over my face by Wednesday), only awaiting France.
England as per the norm have bowed out, so there are loads of English fans picking sides at the moment. But here are some quotes that have been doing the rounds in the Press during the World Cup.
- “England are the Tim Henman of football. Quarter-finalist standard at best. It’s not going to happen, is it? Any woman can see that.”
Bestselling author Allison Pearson
- “Welcome to Sweden: a country of nine million people so dull that even Sven-Goran Eriksson left.”
Swedish-born writer Helena Frithg-Powell
- “I sometimes think the current lot should wear three mice on their shirts.”
Football pundit Patrick Barclay on the England side
- “The frenzy after England beat Paraguay and then Trinidad and Tobago is way over the top and most un-English. We should remind ourselves that this is like knocking off the Isle of Wight and the Channel Islands. “Shall we save our hysterics for the time we start murdering the giants – if ever we do?”
Bestselling author Frederick Forsyth
- “A few weeks ago, males aged between 12 and 16 could only grunt. Now they can say metatarsal, Ronaldinho, and Trinidad and Tobago. Without blushing.”
Writer and mother Jill Parkin
- “Why are they in Germany at all? What purpose does their presence actually achieve? If they are supposed to be seen as some kind of ambassadors for English womanhood, God help us.”
Commentator Janet Street-Porter on the England
footballers’ wives and girlfriends
- “I love football, but I am sick of the World Cup. Who cares about Angola versus Portugal? I don’t even care about England.”
Singer Elton John
- “Rooney is obviously a very good player and he is someone I love to play against. But the fact he is probably still not totally fit gives us a boost. Perhaps I can give his foot a bit of a kick to test it out.”
Ecuador full-back Ulises De La Cruz
- “My hatred for Sweden is so intense I nearly cried when they got that second goal. It is strange how you can have animosity against a country just because your ex slept with some old, blonde, Swedish airhead slapper.”
andy’s bull, otherwise known as the column where we completely muck up the english language
The column inspired by Andy B....and there was you thinking S&M staff were lazy buggers...tut, tut
Legless\ (l[e^]g”l[e^]s)
Now legless is quite a conundrum. When one uses the word legless in a non-pub environment, it usually means that the person in question is referring to someone with no legs...like Wayne Rooney.
But to those of us who like spending time in the darkened hallways of ropey (look for that word next week, of course here it is being used completely out of context) establishments, legless means we won’t find the car, hit someone at the chip shop, and go home with the wrong bird.
So you see, although the Webster’s says legless means “having no legs”, they don’t know diddly-squat.
So boys and girls when using the word legless, slur mightily and if you’re breakdancing on the bar by 6pm, you’ll know the true meaning of the word.
Artist Tracey Emin
