Men are just big babies

MY apologies to Betsy this week as this is more her domain than mine, but having been asked for advice I can't help the uncontrollable urge I have to share my views on the matter.

A reader emailed me with a series of relationship-related questions: How can we communicate certain things to people who are hot headed? My partner hates to see me cry, shout or get upset but how am I supposed to let out the steam that I keep bottled up inside me? My partner can't admit to making mistakes and doesn't say sorry, instead digging up old incidents, blaming me and I end up apologising. I feel like have no self-respect and have lost my self-esteem. My partner doesn't realise that it embarrasses me to get shouted at in front of my family. How can I deal with such situations?

As hard as it may be to believe in this day and age (well OK, not that hard) there are some men out there that didn't receive the memo sent out sometime in the 80s, pointing out that contrary to popular belief, control belongs very firmly in female hands.

There are still men who believe that they are masters of their domain and in control of everything that goes on around them and if things don't go their way they become both confused and panicky.

Nothing is more certain to make a man feel more out of control than a woman's tears ... ironic really when they are generally the main cause of them in the first place.

Men are so used to being practical problem solvers that when something as unpredictable as tears appear, they are at a complete loss of how to deal with them.

The fact they are the cause of those tears makes the situation worse. Put simply, that's why your partner doesn't like to see you cry. It leaves him feeling completely out of control of the situation and he doesn't know what to do about it.

As for talking to a man who won't listen or refuses to admit that he's wrong, the stubborn woman in me wants to advise you to cut him off, ignore him and generally make his life miserable but common sense prevails since it won't really be doing anything to solve the problem (even if it does give you a few moments of amused satisfaction).

Take a deep breath, walk away and take some time to think before trying talk to your partner. It's easy to get frustrated when a person won't listen to you and when we get frustrated we get angry.

We say things we don't mean and instead of helping a situation it often disintegrates into an argument where both sides refuse to see reason.

Stay calm and think your arguement logically and as simply as possible.

Men are simple creatures; they see things in black and white and don't understand the complicated emotions that we women are ruled by.

Gently explain why your husband's behaviour upsets you and suggest a simple way in which he can avoid making you feel the way he makes you feel.

Men can be stubborn and single minded but if you give them a practical and easy solution to the problem they will usually take it.

As frustrating as it must be for you, instead of getting angry and upset every time your husband does something wrong, try complimenting and thanking him when he does something right. The better he feels when he does something good the more he will want to do something good. At the end of the day men are just big babies that crave approval as much as us women do.

Shouting at you in front of your family is unacceptable but for now it sounds to me like you are going to have to be the bigger person and bite your tongue until you learn what the most successful women in history have learnt; the skill of making a man think he's in control when in fact making sure everything goes the way you want it to.