WHERE’S MEGAN?

Why did that take so long? What just happened? Who is that blonde British bird and where on earth is Megan Fox?
These are just some of the questions audience members might ask after watching Michael Bay’s Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon.

Big budget special effects don’t get any bigger or more special than this, make no mistake about it, Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon is at the pinnacle of CGI entertainment.

After the last movie Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was slated by every film critic in the world (no hyperbole) Bay obviously realised he needed to pull his socks up and worry less about the awe-inspiring graphics and focus more on the plot.

That brings us to this adventure, which boasts a darker script, faster action, new characters and classic cars.
Although that sounds good in theory, I feel that because the plot of the last film was so weak and predictable, this time the writers have gone overboard. Despite having three hours to tell a basic story, they overcomplicate things and confuse the audience.

The first part of the film is an eagerly-awaited origin story, which shows the history of the Transformers and the war which left them close to extinction.

There are effects galore and more action than you can shake a stick at and the final part of the opening sequence shows Autobot leader Sentinel Prime (voiced by sci-fi legend, Lenord Nimoy) crashing on to the moon.

The ship, named the Ark, is said to contain the key to rebuilding the robots lost home world and is the most coveted item for both Autobots and Decepticons.

In the 1960s the US government detected the crash and, fearing the Russians would get there first, launched the Apollo mission to investigate.

I think this aspect of the plot is brilliant because there are so many conspiracy theorists that would swear this film proves their point. And, to add further credibility to their claims, real Apollo astronaut Buzz Aldrin makes a lovely little cameo ... coincidence, or something more sinister?

Meanwhile, back to the present day, the Autobots are tracking down rouge Decepticons that still haven’t been captured. During a mission in Russia, Optimus Prime discovers a fuel cell from the Ark and confronts NASA for answers.

After being made privy to the biggest conspiracy theory of all time, the Autobots launch a mission to the moon to try and beat the Decepticons to the punch (much the same way the Americans did with the Soviets).

Back on Earth, despite having saved the world twice (and getting a shiny medal from Barack Obama for his trouble), Sam is having a hard time finding a normal job … or any job for that matter.

It even turns out that Mickaela (Fox) has dumped him … but not to worry, the raven-haired beauty has been replaced by a blonde bit of arm candy.

Thanks to some inappropriate comments made during a magazine interview, the sultry Megan Fox has been replaced by pencil-thin lingerie model Rose Huntington-Whitely.

I take no pleasure in saying that British-born Huntington-Whitely was a poor choice for the role. Her performance is stiffer than the lid on a jam jar and despite an onslaught of explosions, destruction and general mayhem, she still manages to look perfectly groomed and clean.

It’s no secret that Fox did very little in her role (other than parade around looking pretty) but regardless of her lack of acting ability, at least she had the decency to get dirty!

Anyway, Sam eventually gets a job with a technology firm and just so happens to stumble on a vital piece of information …The Autobots are being set up on their lunar mission and face being annihilated.
Sam takes it upon himself to save his robo-buddies and, after enlisting some help from an old friend, sets off on his most dangerous adventure to date.

This is surely the biggest film of the year so far, and I have no doubt it will do well in terms of box office sales. It’s definitely better than the last installment of the franchise (although that’s not particularly hard) but, in my opinion, it just isn’t as much fun as the first.

Showing in Cineco, Seef II and Saar Cineplex