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If you’re the type of action junkie who doesn’t demand too much from a film, this could possibly be the best way to spend 131 minutes.
With Peter Berg’s obvious homage to Michael Bay, the only way to describe the film is to imagine the Transformers having a staring role in Titanic - Decepticons close enough to your face to grind it into pieces while under water.
Battleship was long and ear deafening, but I still thought it was mindlessly entertaining. Peter Berg bravely takes Hasbro’s nostalgic board game, of the same name, and delivers.
The story starts with an extended pre-credits sequence explaining the discovery of ‘Planet G’ by NASA, a planet close enough to and from the sun to have a colony on it. The inhabitants of Planet G have responded to scientist’s interstellar communications and have decided to pay a visit to Earth.
The film takes its time to exploit the game’s basic idea and manoeuvres, but in the meantime you are introduced to Alex Hopper, a stubborn slacker who lives off his brother, a Navy recruit and the wiser of the two.
Alex is celebrating his 26th birthday and commits a drunken violation designed to impress Samantha, a random blonde. To get out of trouble with the law, his brother demands he joins the US Navy. The story cuts to an unspecified amount of time later and Alex is now a lieutenant and in a relationship with Samantha, whose hard-hearted father happens to be his commander.
However, when Planet G’s alien spacecraft crashes into the ocean where Alex and his brother’s naval base is stationed, the visitors attack the fleet of naval destroyers and Alex ultimately aggravates the aliens into opening fire, resulting in war.
The viewer even witnesses Hopper actually playing battleships with the destroyers at one point. Moreover, Samantha is left on mainland with a war veteran, Mick, and a scientist, Cal. The story goes back and forth between the two situations.
Battleship consists of far too many ‘I love you’ moments and ‘Everybody dies, but not today’ clichés. That being said, the movie still never gets boring. The special effects, the soundtrack and the earsplitting explosions keep you awake and holding onto your seat.
The scenes are cut together sharply and are shot so fast you almost feel sea sick – but isn’t that the point?
In addition, the attractive cast aided the film massively. If Taylor Kitsch, who plays Hopper, doesn’t float your boat then Rihanna will definitely rock it. Personally Rihanna does my head in, but with her lack of acting and blunt one-liners, she was a perfect fit.
Having said this, Battleship dragged on for too long. Whereas Titanic sunk once, Battleship was a series of ships sinking. The film is made up of explosions, an endless portfolio of stuff being blown up, with the obvious love story thrown in as the cherry on top, giving male viewers a good excuse to tell their girlfriends why this is the perfect movie to watch.
Berg is clearly determined to punch viewers in the face with his visual and aural battering of the film – but I believe that’s what made it enjoyable.
There were cringe-worthy moments and countless eye rolls, but I don’t think too much care was taken in regard to the dialogue anyway, as the heavy use of special effects is exactly what Battleship needed to make it a success.
Nevertheless, I still believe the film industry has milked most of our childhood recollections, turning a memory into a malady. I won’t be surprised if Scrabble the Movie is next.
* Showing in Cineco, Seef I, Saar Cineplex and Al Jazeera Cineplex
