Flip through the latest issue of Gulf Weekly.
GulfWeekly’s Agony Aunt Kelly Armatage wants to help YOU cope with the stresses and strains of life. The acclaimed counsellor and coach is known globally for her ‘A Serenity Kit’ invention (www.aserenitykit.com) which has become an essential tool to help people cope with stress and change their negative habits.
Kelly, a sought-after motivational speaker who also offers advice on family matters, is the CEO of her own therapy and coaching company based in Mahooz. She has been helping thousands of people in the kingdom since 2007 and every Wednesday, she will answer questions posed by clients and GulfWeekly readers whose identities will be respected.
A problem shared is a problem halved. Write to her at info@kellyarmatage.com
Question: Kelly. I am so jealous of my brother. He is older than me and the ‘successful’ one. He has a PHD and I don’t even have my bachelors yet. My parents shower him with so much attention and I feel I just get their pity and criticism. Sometimes, I lash out at him. I feel angry deep down. J.H. Riffa Views.
Answer: Hello J.H. and thank you for writing in. Firstly, it is normal for many to experience sibling rivalry.
This is actually caused by parental messages given to one child, for example, ‘you are so clever’, and not to the other. It can set up a belief that ‘my brother is more intelligent than me’ or similar thoughts. This is an illusion and a perception created by a child that can set up a series of negative behaviours and outcomes.
The way you can help yourself with sibling rivalry is two-fold:
1. Forgive any favourable treatment from your parents. If they have encouraged your brother over you, or given any preferential compliments to him, make it your intention to forgive that.
It is easy for parents to give different reactions to their children, based on the different personalities and attention that the particular child is commanding.
Some kids find it easy to command positive attention (encouragement) and others have been trained to be naughty and command negative attention (criticism).
These are all dynamics that have evolved but can be changed going forward.
2. Make it a point to establish your own belief system (without expecting this from your parents).
They come in the form of you creating thoughts such as ‘I am just as talented as my brother’, ‘I am intelligent too’, ‘I am also a success’, ‘I can do it’, ‘I am loved equally’. As you create and practice these new thoughts, you must also be willing to carry them out (studying/career actions).
As a result you will create the successful outcomes you are yearning for.
Your success and self-esteem is totally in your control, despite what is going on outside of you and you must never forget that.
As you accept this fact, you will become powerful and in charge of your own future.
Forgive any tribal dynamics and go out there and create the life you want deep down and deserve!
