Football challenge on the golf course

It’s a lot harder than it looks. My own football career aspirations came unstuck in the headmaster’s office in London at the age of 11.

We were just about to move up to senior school and the fearsome Mr Grimshaw wanted to bid us farewell personally.
He asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up and I instantly replied that I was hoping to become a professional footballer.

He pointed to his huge window which overlooked the playground. “Stan,” he said, “every lunch-time I look out and see you playing football. Have you thought about writing about it?”

I should have called him nine years later when I was sat in the press box of Kenilworth Road covering my first football match for my local newspaper as the mighty Luton Town took on Queens Park Rangers and said: “Sir, you were right!”

To this day I can still write a good game and it’s often been noted, talk a good game too, so it was with some trepidation that I challenged my golfing buddy David Axtell and his son, George, to a FootGolf match, thinking I might have a chance with my son, little Stan, on my side.

Sheldon Cameron, golf operations manager, threatened David with a red card if he mentioned Nottingham Forest one more time and Phil Underhill, sales manager, accompanied us on the first few holes to take action shots for the club’s website.

First mistake, David knows the run of the championship course like the back of his hand, and was able to steer his football in the general direction of his usually competent golf shots.

Fortunately, the wind and the roll of the ball had their own ideas and despite little Stan’s cheeky chips and delicate touches, the Axtells – with young George in fine form when it came to teeing off and finishing an early hole with a birdie – stormed to an unassailable lead.

I managed to help draw a few holes but couldn’t finish off even one all the way to victory and I thought little Stan would throw himself into the lake after his ball sailed into the water as he kicked it between holes.

Fortunately, the ball floated over to the other side and we could recommence with the individual action and my boy made a final late surge and secured three of the final four holes with a string of pars.

It was too little, too late but I’ve been plotting revenge ever since … and practicing my chip shot in the garden. We’ll be back.

Results
Stan 100 (46 front / 54 back) 1 x par
Little Stan 98 (50 / 48) 4 x par
George 89 (43/46) 1 x birdie, 4 x par
David 74 (36/38) 4 x birdie, 7 x par