Home is where the heart is

MUSIC teacher Theresa Finzi can remember the moment she cuddled tiny Jasper Ma-Jiang-Thomas Lee in her arms for the first time after seven long years of waiting patiently for the chance to offer a needy child a home.

The weak baby from an orphanage in China's Ma' Ansha region plucked the strings of her heart as he looked into her eyes. He had been born with a severe cleft lip and palate and would need special care and true grit to overcome the challenges ahead.

Theresa had made an early, conscious decision to one day adopt a child and was aware that good homes were needed for children in countries all over the world.

Theresa, 44, had always considered herself to be extremely lucky to have been born into a loving, secure and close-knit family. She said: "I always felt that I would rather adopt a child who had nothing to call his own rather than bring another baby into the world who had everything."

Jasper was a few months old and had to go through a series of operations to be able to suckle and chew. An unfazed Theresa not only welcomed the baby into her home and extended family but also went back again to China in 2001 to bring home a baby sister, Florence Chen-Bi-Yu Iris Lee, from Chenzhou, for Jasper.

The very happy family believe it's the most natural thing that could have happened to them and are just like any other family on the island.

Theresa said: "I have always been very honest with both my children. They have got to live with the truth and be comfortable about who they are and have no nasty hidden surprises.

"Transparency is the key to a happy relationship. They know that they have been chosen. My father, Christopher, always used to say that everyone has a cross to carry and it is all about getting up and carrying it.

"In the end it is all about teaching children the good values in life and dealing with problems positively. I am first and foremost their mother and do not give into their every desire, I am fairly strict with them.

"My parents have also been extremely supportive. Before Bahrain I had never moved away far from my family. When together we had always eaten our meals together and we would all chat and discuss things openly. There was nothing hidden in the family."

Theresa was able to offer a home to a needy child from the orphanage because China had a formal adoption policy with the UK government. She told the authorities she would be happy to care for a child suffering from birth defects and to help the youngster through any health issues should surgery be necessary.

Theresa was told she would be able to leave the country with her baby when a decision was made as all the legal processes would be completed beforehand and she would merely need to apply for the child's British citizenship.

But then the waiting game began. She soon found out that a strong conviction was not the only criterion that the adoption agency was looking for. Patience and determination were two useful attributes too.

The authorities first ascertained the mental fitness and readiness of the adopting family through several interviews and procedures that Theresa described as 'very nosy'.

She said: "They wanted to determine whether we were 'sound of character' and moral fibre. They checked our bank statements and interviewed people who knew us before giving clearance to proceed."

The process did not end there. It took seven more weary years to finally realise her dream of bringing a baby home.

She said: "It was especially frustrating at times when little seemed to be happening."

Suddenly, one afternoon, after making a call from Elsteree Boys Preparatory School where she was teaching, she was "surprised and delighted" to learn that the authorities had finally found a match.

Delighted, but anxious to confirm the details, Theresa pleaded with them to fax the official papers over.

She shortly received a copy of Chinese paperwork and a photograph of her little boy which highlighted his condition. Resolute and ever more eager than ever, armed with the image Theresa sought advice from specialist doctors.

She said: "I had to deal with it. I was not worried as I was prepared and understood what was coming my way."

After waiting patiently for a further two months for travel permission from the Chinese Embassy Theresa finally made her way to bring home her precious baby.

Jasper Ma-Jiang-Thomas Lee was adopted on November 11, 1997. She described her first impressions, saying: "Jasper looked around four, maybe five months old, although the orphanage said that he was around eight to nine months old.

"He could not support his head properly and only weighed nine pounds.

"His mouth was split wide open right under his nose, which meant he had a lot of difficulty feeding. As a result that he had never been fed properly and possibly had just half a pint of milk a day.

"There were bruises on his arms and legs. I assume they had tied the baby to a large chair. I do not think this was done out of cruelty but possibly because the orphanage was over crowded and it was the best way to deal with a difficult situation.

"On the doctors advice I had carried special feeding bottles with me. Jasper adapted very quickly and we had a smooth 13-hour flight back home."

Suckling helps develop important muscles responsible for feeding, drinking, chewing, speech and to produce sounds. Therefore, Theresa was told it was important for surgeons to begin their work quickly.

The first of the three operations was conducted within three-weeks of Jasper's arrival in the UK. Theresa said: "They were all wonderful doctors."

Over the years surgeons have used the cartilage of his ears, a bone graft from his hip and skin from inside his cheeks to bridge Jasper's palate, recreate his gums and close the cleft on his lips.

All these painful operations have left him stronger, almost resistant to pain and more positive than ever. Theresa said: "Jasper was last operated when he was nine. They had opened his hip to take out the mushy bone to make his gum. Bone grafting is an extremely painful operation but Jasper refused to take any painkillers. He tends to look at things positively."

Florence, Theresa's adopted daughter, came home on April 28, 2001, when Jasper was aged four. She said: "I wanted a second child so Jasper could relate to a sibling who had similar experiences and to ensure he wouldn't be alone.

"This time it took us only two-years to clear all the necessary formalities. Florence was just over a year old but could not walk.

"In the initial weeks she simply latched on to Jasper because she had never seen a European with blonde hair before! And he was absolutely thrilled to have a sister. Jasper was the only one allowed to feed her until she became more comfortable with us."

Shortly after the second child came into their lives, Theresa and her husband, Lee, split up but she was determined to carry on caring for the little ones like any other single mum.

The Finzi threesome has been in Bahrain for two years. Theresa, an acclaimed violinist, heads the instrumental music department at the St Christopher's School where her children attend.

She is from a family of musicians, who include renowned cellist Jaqueline Duprey and composer Gerald Finzi.

And to make the family complete they have been adopted by a Bahraini stray cat called Eddie.

"He chose us and we simply love him," they explained.

Florence Chen-Bi-Yu Iris Lee, 7

I celebrate my birthday on April 5. I play the cornet and I enjoy horse racing. My mother says that I am good at languages. I am Chinese and am adopted. I was born in Chenzhou.

My mother has taken me back to my orphanage where I saw rooms full of babies and little children who kept crying. I prefer being with my mum and Jasper. I love my grandparents.

I want to go to China again on vacation and visit the hanging temples and terracotta army.

Jasper Ma-Jiang-Thomas Lee, 10

My nickname is Layz. I love Superman, play the violin and celebrate my birthday on February 10. I love playing football, squash and tennis. I did go back to my orphanage and felt very sorry for the kids there. All the operations I have had have been painful but I love the attention I get from my family, visitors and the doctors. Gerald Finzi, my great-grandfather was a well-known composer. I adore my mother especially when we play monopoly or go to Seef Mall. I like my school and I think this small island is a good place to live.